Weird Thanksgiving Ads The November Holiday Is Truly Bizarre

Thanksgiving is already an odd holiday, but these vintage advertisements make Thanksgiving seem even weirder.

Thanksgiving is already an odd holiday, built as it is on the fraudulent belief that settlers were at peace with indigenous populations before the genocide began. These vintage advertisements make Thanksgiving seem even weirder, though.

Let’s take a look back at the good old days, when children gleefully slaughtered turkeys, casual chauvinism made the dinner extra tasty, and the Joneses’ Thanksgiving cards cranked the racism against Native Americans up to 11:

We’re happy this hasn’t survived the test of time.The Vintage News

Inexplicably creepy.Fanpop

Apparently cooking the turkey is something new these days. Flickr

Keep this ad in mind, Kenwood appliance owners.Huffington Post

Nothing says true love like quasi-racist Thanksgiving wooing. Flickr

Mayonnaise goes well with everything, if you’re a sauce boss.The Vintage News

Sorry I can’t come to your party, but I can leave this rotting jack-o-lantern at your house instead. We cool?Flickr - Photo Sharing!

What were we thankful for back then? Apparently the fact it was somehow okay to make fun of Native Americans.Flickr

The greeting card for those family members who believe you may have met your untimely end at the hands of an axe murderer.Flickr

Old Thanksgiving proverb: If a homeless man carrying logs shows up at your door on Thanksgiving, be sure to give him a vegetarian meal before telling him to leave your property, or you will call the police. Flickr

Some do not own an axe, and therefore have to send their creepiest child outside to scare the Thanksgiving turkey to death. Flickr

You’ve spared our lives, now let us sing you the song of our people. Flickr

Wrong holiday, turkey. Flickr

Flickr

The Vintage News

Turkeys are the reason for the season-ing. Flickr

Morbid poetry: What Thanksgiving dreams are made of. Flickr

I’ve got a bad feeling about this…Flickr - Photo Sharing!

I am Pilgrim Ricardo Montalban, and I welcome you to Thanksgiving dinner. Flickr

I may have eaten some fermented cranberries, because I just saw a fat, knife-wielding baby riding a turkey. Flickr

Each cob is painstakingly delivered ear by ear — on the backs of tiny corn cherubs. Flickr

Every girl’s crazy about a sharp dressed…turkey? Flickr

Turkeys: better drivers than Uber employees. Flickr

This bird comes pre-loaded with cutlery, for your convenience! Flickr

Be sure to sit one full turkey-width away from your spouse on Thanksgiving, lest you wish to be burdened with a pointy-beaked firstborn . Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the tastiest one of all? Flickr

Just a little further, Mr. Gobble, then you can rest — forever. Flickr

In 1942, men drank away their problems with Schenley Royal Reserve whiskey while eating their Thanksgiving dinner — over blueprints in front of a fighter plane. Why did this tradition have to end? Izismile

Turkey mothers: “Bundle up, it’s cold out there! Do you want to catch your death?” Flickr

Liked these ads? Be sure to check out these bizarre and offensive vintage advertisements.